Oh, hey tough morning… didn’t see you coming. I prolly woulda stayed in bed if I had.
I know I haven’t posted in a while, so here’s an update:
I’ve been in the firefighter academy at Miami Dade since June. I’m currently at the top of my class and I’m working my ass off to stay up there.
2 weeks ago, my brother died in a boat accident. He was 29, and had a wife and 3 kids. I’ve been cleaning up his warehouses and doing my best to finish the projects that he left undone… but he was only 1/3 of the way through everything he ever did, so there is a lot to do.
I have other siblings, a lot of them, but Sam was the one I was closest to. I worked for the company he owned, and since work slowed down, it was just him and I riding around in the truck together… so I’ve been spending every day working right by his side. It’s dificult, and almost pointless, to try to describe just how much I miss him. Some days are obviously better than others; but ultimately, I have noticed that all the wind seems to have blown out of my sails. I’m having a hard time getting excited about the future. Before this happened, I was so excited about graduation in December that I couldn’t even talk about it. Now, I just don’t care.
Today, I’m moving 2 of his trucks up to North Miami in an effort to help his wife sell them. Obviously, this has been a rough morning. I cried again. First time in over a week. I don’t know if it’s a regression, or simply another wave of grief.
Cynicism is defined as an attitude of scornful or jaded negativity, especially a general distrust of the integrity or professed motives of others. We live in the age of cynicism; it governs our actions and motives and influences our response to all things positive or negative. I embrace cynicism. I use it as a tool to make people smile, and as an excuse to point out the absurdities of our daily lives. Keep reading if you would like to see genuine cynicism, spoken lightly with a sprinkle of creativity and stuffed with sarcasm. Any semblance of innocence contained herein is merely subterfuge; a cherry prosthesis, if you will.
